Thursday, January 31, 2008

more about saskia

Don't you just hate how some people can make something really simple so complicated that sometimes you wonder why you even bother in the first place??? Cause that's Saskia does with relationships, we've started hanging out a lot again and we've hooked up (kissed) a few times but for some reason she says that she has to be more sure of how she feels about me before we start a proper relationship. Also, she wants to figure out what she wants to do with herself this year (mainly whether or not she'll start doing drugs (mostly weed)) even though when we first started dating she made me quit because she hated drugs then. And she says that she has some kind of issues that she wants to work out with herself and she's not yet comfortable talking about them with me yet. I have no idea what she means by this but it seems pretty fucked up to me really. For the past two years I haven't been able to have proper relationships with anyone because of my drug use but now that I can the girl I want to have one with wants to start doing drugs and I know that if she starts doing them then I will again too, which will fuck up any chance of us having a proper relationship. I have no idea why I'm putting all of this on the internet for potentially dangerous maybe rapist people to read but for some reason I have so...yeah.

h00dLum!!1 out.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I'm talking with Saskia now (like right now) and she said...

u confuse me in a way that i dont paritculary no what i want so i sway back and forwards
not physical sway but emotionaly and metaly
like in and out of the whole entire do i like u enough to cary a realationship or do i back out 2 sheild my self thingy

Apparently she's starting to think that she wants me back which I at first thought was good cause I still want her, but then I started thinking what if she does the same thing as she did last time??
I want her back but I'm not sure if I can handle having her do the same thing as she did last time.
What should I do??

h00dLum!!1 out.


Ok, first off, thanks to princetongirl206 for the surprisingly helpful comment.

So Saskia (the girl I wrote about in the "dumped" blog) and I have started talking and hanging out again and I've realized that I'm not actually over her :( but then yesterday she asked me if she would be cool with her going out with Pat (my best friend) I told her that I was cause I didn't want to seem like a dick but really I'm not ok with it because I still want to be with her. I've tried dating other people but it didn't work, she's the only person I want and at this point in time, it feels like she will be the only person I will ever want, fuck I hate this!!!!!!!

h00dLum!!1 out.